Four Types of Team Conflict and How to Overcome Them

TEASER

When leading a team, sooner or later, you're going to run into conflict. Whether it's something someone said or did, eventually, there will be a moment when your team isn't on the same page. And the type of leader you are, combined with your personality, will influence when you notice it, how you deal with it, and how your team makes it through. And because this is so important, and there are different ways a team deals with conflict, we're going to focus on that today. So if you want to manage conflict better on whatever team you're leading, please stick around because the Church Helper podcast starts right now. 

 INTRO

Hey there, and welcome to another edition of the Church Helper Podcast. Our mission here at Church Helper is to help churches make every decision on purpose. My name is Mike, and I'm excited to help you and your church today, so let's get into it. 

 Today, we're going to talk about four different ways that conflict in your team manifests itself – and what to do about it.  

 Today's episode is influenced by the book I enjoyed called "Working in Groups" by Engleberg and Wynn. I've put a link to the book in the description of this episode. 

And with that, let's get into it.  

 Four Styles of Conflict in Your Team and How to Manage Them Well

 NUMBER ONE: AVOIDANCE

Wynn and Engleberg say this about Avoidance:

 "members use an avoidance conflict style when they are unable or unwilling to accomplish their own goals or contribute to achieving the group's goal. In some cases, members who care about the group and its goals may adopt the avoidance style because they are uncomfortable with or unskilled at asserting themselves. Group members who use this style may change the subject, avoid bringing up a controversial issue, and even deny that a conflict exists."

 Now we've all been in a group with this person, or maybe, you are this person. A person who sees conflict or a problem brewing and chooses to push it away and pretend everything is normal. I'm sure you know this, but avoiding conflict in just about every leadership setting, church or otherwise, will almost always lead you into a bad place. 

 Avoidance fosters a lack of productivity, exponential growth in resentment (not an area you'd like to see considerable growth), and the sense that a team is no longer trusting each other. When you know someone is avoiding conflict, it can quickly turn into "well they're not talking about (blank), so what else aren't they sharing?"

 If you're a leader, even though sometimes it might be easier, you have to resist the urge to avoid conflict. It allows a team to become disjointed and often requires more work to fix the problem than it would have if dealt with initially.  

 Oh, and also, the conflict never goes away. Someone might calm down or forget about their feelings for a while, but they're going to come back eventually, and there are going to be way bigger feelings than there would have been if just dealt with right away. So as a person who has tried this strategy and failed, let me tell you, it's better to bite the bullet and try to work it out.   

NUMBER TWO – ACCOMMODATION

 Wynn and Engleberg have this to say about Accommodation:

 "Group members using the accommodation conflict style give in to other members at the expense of their own goals. Accommodators have a genuine desire to get along with other members. They believe that giving in to others serves the needs of the group, even when the group could benefit from further discussion. A group member who always approaches conflict by accommodating others may be perceived as less powerful and less influential."

 For leaders, this is the hardest one to identify and keep control of because depending on someone's personality, it will show itself differently. For example, each of us has had a very agreeable team member, only to find out later that they had different ideas or thoughts and didn't want to get in the way by sharing them. Most of the time, it will be on the leader to identify when this is happening and call it out. Sometimes you get lucky, and your other team members point out when it's happening, but it's on you to keep an eye out. 

 If someone on your team keeps giving in on a position or idea, or is always happy to go along with someone else, don't be afraid to call it out. I've lead a couple of teams with people who were Accommodators, and the best solution I found was to ask them, usually twice, if that's "really" what they thought.  

 If you value your whole team's input, you're going to want to make sure you find your accommodators and flush their ideas out for everyone to hear. Just because accommodation isn't looked at as an 'aggressive' conflict style, it doesn't mean it won't negatively impact your group.

NUMBER THREE – COMPETITION 

Wynn and Engleberg say this about Competition.

"The competition conflict style occurs when group members are more concerned with their own goals than with those of the group. Competitive members want to win; they argue that their ideas are superior to alternatives suggested by others… Approaching conflict competitively tends to divide group members into winners and losers. Ultimately, this may damage the relationships among group members and prevent a group from achieving its common goal."

 So I feel pretty passionate about this one, so passionate in fact, that I'm going to take all of next week's episode to talk about competition in your ministries or your church. So, for now, I'll keep it short and say this.

 If you're working in a church and your teams start competing with each other or the church down the street, you're going to be in big trouble.  

 Competition about ideas (or Methods) almost always requires people to turn away from their mission to a degree. I've said this before, but I'll say it here too. You can't hold on tightly to your mission and your methods at the same time. If you're strong on your mission, your methods can always change, but if you hold tight to a method – even what you think is a good one – then the mission is always the casualty. 

 Also, when you've got competition in a group, it means that everyone is thinking about themselves and their big idea, and most people have forgotten about THE big idea, whatever that is.  

The best thing to do here isn't to call out a person. It's to call out the WHY or the mission. Ask people why they think their idea accomplishes the mission well, and then ask how they think the other ideas accomplish the mission well. Try to show everyone that ministry is a team sport and that competition isn't to goal. Completing the mission as a team is. 

NUMBER FOUR – COMPROMISE 

Wynn and Engleberg say this about Compromise: 

'The compromise conflict style is a middle-ground approach to conflict in which group members give in on some goals in order to achieve other goals they want more strongly. Group members who approach conflict through compromise argue that it is a fair method of resolving problems because everyone loses equally. "However, when each person gives up something in order to meet the others halfway, the result is only partial satisfaction for all concerned (and) commitment to solutions will be questionable."

 We don't usually think about compromise as a conflict style, so much as a conflict solution, but this point by Wynn and Engleberg should be well taken.  

 When everyone gives in on something they believe in, it often feels like everyone is losing equally. In theory, that sounds fair, but in reality, it might not be. There's a difference between being fair to the person and being fair to the mission. 

  If your church's mission is to spread the gospel message, I'm not sure that only committing halfway to accomplishing it because you might hurt someone's feelings is the greatest strategy. Compromise can be great when you're stuck or at an impasse, but be careful not to get there too quickly. 

Compromise for compromise's sake can be a dangerous way to lead because keeping everyone comfortable outweighs the need to fulfill the mission the best way you can. As a result, your church will start to drift away from its mission slowly – and eventually, it will have drifted so far that nobody will know how or why it happened. For more thoughts on this, you can listen to our episodes on Mission Drift and download our free Mission Drift Assessment Tool to help you know when to and when not to compromise.  

AN IDEA ON COMBATING CONFLICT 

There are many ways to deal with conflict. Sometimes people call it out, sometimes a negotiator or mediator is required, and sometimes the way it's dealt with is disbanding the team entirely.  

But before you do any of these things, I'd like you to consider a method of conflict resolution that's effective when all parties identify the conflict and want to work to fix it. It's called the A-E-I-O-U model and was developed by Jerry Osinski.

 A - Assume the other person means well

Let your group know that you believe they have the best of intentions.

 E - Express Your Feelings

"Like most of you, I'm frustrated because it seems we're not putting in the work that's needed."

 I - Identify What You Would Like To Happen.

"I'd like to be assured that all of you are as concerned about the success of this project as I am. But, unfortunately, we need to spend some time working this out before we move forward."

 O - Outcomes you expect are made clear. 

"I sincerely believe that if we don't work late for the next couple of days, we won't finish this project on time."  

U – Understanding on a mutual basis is achieved.

"Could we try staying late tonight and tomorrow and then evaluate our progress? What do you think?".

This resolution strategy won't work every time, but it's a great place to start and allows team members to get out how they are feeling and for everyone to refocus on the mission at hand. And that means you'll be making every decision on purpose.

OUTRO

Well, that's it: four conflict styles and a practical way to deal with them. If you enjoyed today's episode, make sure you like and subscribe to the podcast or our YouTube channel. If you think someone needs to hear this content today, but they gave up on the internet when cellphones lost the QWERTY keyboards, you can go to our website, churchhelper.ca/podcast, to print out a full transcript of today's episode.

 Make sure you go back and check out our series on mission drift that I mentioned before, and if you've ever got any questions, please reach out to us through email at hello@churchhelper.ca or go to the Get Help Today tab of our website. 

 Thanks for taking a few minutes to help your church make every decision on purpose today!