3 Things Every Elder Should Know About Sr. Leaders

It's a BIG ONE today because we're diving into three things that every Sr. Leader wishes their elder's team understood about their job. 

And this topic is important because even though Elders and Sr. Leaders spend a lot of time together, there's often still a gap in understanding what the job of a Sr. Leader includes. So, if you're an elder or a staff member and you'd like to have a better working relationship between your two teams, then stick around.

THREE THINGS EVERY ELDER SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THEIR SR LEADER

 #1 Work Hours and Personal Hours Can Be Blurry 

 When Church Helper reached out to Sr. Leaders to talk about the disconnect between them and their elders, one Sr Leader summarized the difficulty to separate work from personal life this way. 

"The lines between "work" and "personal life" are pretty blurry... there are many things that I consider "work" that they might not realize are. (like) lunch with a... member, weddings, funerals and… the funeral luncheons after. I love the people, but it's still work."

One of the biggest struggles everyone in ministry has is defining the line between work life and personal life.  

When we started this series, I said that "Working at a church is a unique mix of worldview, employment and lifestyle that is hard to describe unless you've done it," and 'when you're at work' seems to be one of the most challenging intersections to navigate. But I think this Sr. Leader brings up an excellent point, that if expanded, should help elders better understand the work/life balance of a Sr. Leader. Let's look at this line as an example.  

           "..lunch with a needy member, weddings, funerals and… the funeral luncheons"

 Now, that's a list of things that people usually do by choice.

If you're invited to a wedding, you're honoured to be a guest and rearrange a weekend or get babysitting so that you can go. If someone you know passes away, you'll find a way to go, even if it's in the middle of the week, by taking time off off work. If you have a struggling friend who needs someone to talk to, it's not uncommon to grab a coffee or a burger or sit in the backyard and try to work things out. These are all great things friends do, but (as much as we might sometimes FEEL like it) they aren't expected. Wedding invitations come with RSVPs that you can respond no to, many people can't get the time off or work they need to attend a funeral, and sometimes friends drift apart or can't get schedules to line up for weeks. 

But when you're a Sr. Leader, the expectation of attending these celebrations or appointments does exist because it's a part of being a Sr Leader. Suppose a Sr. Leader is leading a wedding or a funeral. In that case, they're often expected to attend whatever comes next. And when a congregation member needs to get a coffee and a little counselling, it's often the Sr. Leader's job to meet with that person. 

And there lays the struggle. Things that elders and congregation members CHOOSE to do are things that Sr. Leaders are EXPECTED to do. 

And if you're expected to do something, no matter how fun or relaxing or enjoyable, it's still a part of your job. Sometimes people can look at a Sr. Leader and say, "boy, it must be nice to just talk to people over coffee all day." The reality is, the emotional toll those conversations can have is enormous – and given a choice, I'm not sure anyone would have back to back to back counselling sessions in their free time, no matter how good the coffee is. 

Here's my point. Just because you would choose to attend a wedding, a funeral, backyard BBQ, graduation ceremony, baseball game – whatever – doesn't mean that it's not a part of a Sr leader's job to attend those things – especially in a small church.   

 So when a Sr. Leader attends those functions, 95% of the time, that should be considered "on the clock" time. This means that if you expect your Sr. Leader to be at all kinds of social functions to support your church, it needs to be clear that other work can't get done simultaneously. You can't write a sermon and roast marshmallows at the same time because either one or both are going to go up in flames.  

So, how can you help? Well, you should have a conversation with your Sr Leader to see where they're struggling with this. Often, because they feel like they shouldn't complain or it's not right for them to stand up for themselves in area, (because over years of doing the job, they've been told that having coffee isn't working) Sr. Leaders won't bring it up – so you need to. Ask your Sr. Leader how you can best support their work/life balance. Maybe that's extending deadlines, stretching out workload or readjusting expectations on events. Start the conversation, be open about the answers, and find a way to help them out. 

#2 They want to be on a Team.

Sr. Leaders are often good at many things, but that doesn't mean that they want to do everything by themselves. 

I've had several conversations with Sr. Leaders whose congregation or elders board has come to them with a "great idea" or a "way to grow the church." The member will share the idea along with a book or a blog, then expect the Sr. leader to run with it. And although this is well-meaning, the reality is that a church is a family, and yes, that family has a Sr. Leader. Still, all members need to work together for the family to grow, both spiritually and numerically.

We had a couple of Sr. Leaders answer our survey with this theme in mind, and here are a couple of quotes. 

The first one said: 

"…the Pastor's job is to equip people for Ministry, not (be the) keeper of the sheep."

 Here's another: 

 "(my biggest struggle is) inspiring churched people to engage and invite un-churched (people)."

One Sr. Leader said

"(they think I'm) Paid to do ministry that is body's responsibility.

 And finally, when asked, "What is one thing that you wish your elder team understood about your position?" one Sr. Leader answered: 

           " We Are a Team"

 The Sr. Leader in your church is a person that's been called to a big job with a lot of responsibility.  

 Your Sr. Leader might be called to set a new vision and direction for your church. They might be called to teach and preach the word of God multiple times a week, lead weddings and funerals, do congregational visits and always be learning something new. 

 One thing your Sr. Leader is not called to do, is to do it all by themselves. 

Sometimes Sr. Leaders can feel like their on a private island that people come and visit for a couple of hours a week instead of in a group, drawing up a way to work together to accomplish their goal. Your Sr. Leader not only needs a team, they likely want a team – and as an elder, one of your goals should be to be a tremendous teammate.  

So what can you do? The next time you're in an elders meeting, you can ask, "are there any areas that you need more help?" Likely, you're not going to be able to fill all the needs at once. Still, if you can be a better teammate in a couple of new areas, then you're on your way to making your Sr. Leader feel better supported.

#3 They Need Emotional Support too

Sr. Leaders don't always talk about this because they're often the supporters, not the supportee, but being a Sr. Leader takes an emotional toll, and sometimes they need somewhere to vent or think (and this is key here) without burdening spouse. 

And because working at a church is such a unique workplace, often a Sr. Leader's places to unload pent-up frustrations so they can reset are pretty limited.

 I talked to a Sr. Leader once who told me that a man in the congregation would come into their office a couple of times a month, sit across the table, and say, "how are you doing?" The Sr. Leader knew those conversations were safe to talk about a few things that would never leave the room and release some stress. And I know this story because the Sr. Leader was so thankful for this ministry they couldn't wait to tell me about it.     

Now, this might not be the job of everyone, but I would challenge you to choose at least one person on your elder's team that sits down with your Sr. Leader now and then and lets them just "get some stuff out" so that they can have a fresh outlook at their day. If you can create a safe place to do this, it will go a long way toward helping your Sr. Leader feel supported.